Jesus' Baptism

Matthew 3: 13-17 tells of the baptism of Jesus by John. I have had lots of thoughts about baptism as I have read through the Lectionary texts for this week and blogged about some of those thoughts.

For today, I want to lift something out of the Tuesday's Lectionary Leanings posted by MomPriest on the RevGalBlogPals site for your reflection and discussion:

John Shea, S.T.D., In his book, The Spiritual Wisdom of the Gospels for Christian Preachers and Teachers: On Earth as It Is in Heaven--Year A, has this to say about these readings:

"Jesus' baptism with Spirit does not substitute for John's baptism with water. Both are needed. The revelation of Jesus includes the revelation of John even while it transcends it. John is the forerunner and essential preparation for Jesus. John clears a path. Without this cleared path Jesus will not arrive. There must be both repentance (baptism of John) and the coming of the Spirit (baptism of Jesus), a disidentification with sin and an identification with the Spirit-infused Child of God. This carefully reflected exchange reflects this nuanced position: the ultimate goal of John's baptizing activity in Jesus, but the advent of Jesus does not make obsolete the work of John. John and Jesus are fundamentally linked, and they symbolize the essential relationship between the forgiveness of sins and the new life in the Spirit. "(pg 50).

Where are your thoughts, reflections, ideas, leading you this Sunday?

Journey On...

Beyond Baptism's Waters

I don't think that Acts 10: 34-43 can be fully understood outside of its greater context...including the verses that precede it (Acts 10: 1-33) and the verses that proceed it (Acts 10: 44-48). The whole of the story is about a man named Cornelius--a God fearer--who finds acceptance and belonging.

As a God fearer, Corenlius was devout and faithful. But Cornelius was also a Gentile, which meant that in spite of his devotion, he was not fully accepted into the Jewish community. But that all changed when God intervened.

God sent visions and dreams to Cornelius and to Peter. The text for today is what Peter says to Cornelius and those gathered in his home after Peter is summoned to go there. What is very interesting to me is that as they listened to Peter, "the Holy Spirit fell upon all who heard the word."

On the Sunday when we will be thinking about Jesus' baptism and the Holy Spirit descending like a dove, I am wondering what baptism means for us? The question is partly rhetorical--I understand that baptism is "an outward sign of an inward, invisible grace"...baptism is a ritual act in which we say "yes" to God's working in our lives...baptism is a washing, a cleansing moment when we start over and accept Jesus into our hearts and lives to be forever changed...baptism is the moment in which we receive the Holy Spirit on our journey of faith...

But Acts raises important thoughts. If Cornelius and the others receive the gift of the Holy Spirit without baptism (by "hearing the word") is the same possible for us?

I'm not saying do away baptism...baptism is a central and important part of our Christian walk. But perhaps the story from Acts shows us, once again, the ways in which God works outside of the box...the ways in which God works, unexpectedly and graciously.

So if you think you have it all figured out, be careful. God may just be waiting to surprise you in some very unexpected way.

Journey On...

God is great...God is good

Sarah Hinlicky Wilson in her December 28, 2004 Christian Century article entitled: God on the Loose says: "Inevitably, in the course of a pastoral career, one encounters that person -- the spouse of an active member, or an avid golfer -- who claims not to need to attend weekly services because 'I can worship God in nature.' Possible comebacks range from mild to sarcastic, but they rarely make any impression. A better question is whether the assertion is correct. Can the voice of the Lord be heard outside protective church walls, in the wilds of creation?
Psalm 29 answers with an emphatic yes. With one catch: you might not like what you hear."

I would call myself a "naturalist" in many ways--one who experiences God in a very powerful way in nature. But the God of nature in Psalm 29 is not the God of the Lily's in the field or the God of the sparrows happily chirping in the trees. In Psalm 29, the awe and power of God is displayed in the awe and the power of nature in almost overwhelming, fearful grandeur.

I remember once, in a Bible study, talking about "the fear of the Lord" as that phrase appears often in the Hebrew Scriptures. One woman in that study took great offense that anyone today would have that kind of experience of God. I was surprised by her visceral reaction. Certainly when I consider the vastness of God, the works of God's hand, the thought of it is overwhelming to me...and I am awed and somewhat intimidated by how great God is.

But I also understand that for many us to be overwhelmingly awed and intimidated by God's greatness (so much so that it induces a sense of fear) is just too much. If we have known fear in many sectors of life...if we live in fear in our homes, in fear of losing our homes, in fear of losing our jobs, in fear of what is happening in the greater world, the last thing we want is to fear God.

Psalm 29 is one of the Lectionary readings on the Sunday of the Baptism of Jesus...and I think one of the reasons it appears this week, is to help us remember God's greatness and to remember how our great God became flesh and dwelt among us. The God who rules the water, was subdued by them at the River Jordan. God did remain a distant, powerful, fearful deity, but one who walked with us, talked with us, embraced us in human arms and showed forth not forceful power, but gracious love.

Psalm 29 reminds us that God is great...and God is so very good.

Journey On...

Leadership

Isaiah 42: 1-9 is the Hebrew Text for this week in which we will celebrate the Baptism of Jesus. The passage from Isaiah speaks words of comfort to a people who had been exiled and promises a better day for them. The passage will also be important for Matthew as the words describe the type of leadership that Jesus will offer.

At first glance, the words from Isaiah draw me to thoughts of current presidential debates, caucuses and primaries. Candidates are going all out to try to convey the message that they are the right candidate for the job of President.

So that makes me wonder, what qualities do we look for in leadership? Is leadership (in a president, in a church, in a family) important to us?

William R. Long in his commentary The Baptism of Jesus describes leadership in terms of servant leadership and describes the passage from Isaiah as setting forth a "fourfold role of this servant: (1) he is inconspicuous; (2) he is gentle; (3) he perseveres, and (4) he triumphs.

What stands out to me in this list of servant leadership qualities, is gentleness. In a time when there is so very much violence in the world, what does it look like for a leader to be both strong and gentle?

Long continues: "How do reeds become crushed or oppressed? By the forces of nature and of people. Reeds become smashed because of storms and diseases, because of people stomping over them, because of inadequate nourishment. We are reeds, subject to the forces of life that we cannot control and that sometimes descend on us with frightening speed and mercilessness. And so, we live our lives in a crushed condition."

And so, perhaps, we are ready for a civic leader who is gentle is her or his leadership. And certainly we, like the people of Isaiah's time...like the people of Jesus' time long for gentleness when we feel like crushed reeds. God, in Christ, will prove to be both a strong and gentle leader for all.

Journey On...

The Magi

This is one of those rare years when Epiphany (observed on January 6), actually falls on a Sunday. The focal text for this Sunday is Matthew 2: 1-12 and the focal characters of the story are the Magi.

Many of us believe that we know this story so well, we don't have to read it and reflect on it. But much of what we have come to believe about the Magi, comes to us not from the Bible but from legends. The Bible does not mention the number of Magi (although it does indicate that three gifts were given)...the Bible does not tell us the names of the Magi...and perhaps most important, the Bible does not label these visitors from the east as kings.

Magi were probably more closely related to astrologers--pagans who interpreted dreams and looked to the stars in the sky for guidance. Understanding who the Magi are, makes all the difference in understanding their importance in this story.

As Brian Stoffrengen says in his Crossmarks commentary: "The Magi should not be there. They are heretics. The don't worship the right God...they would have been much better models of unbelief and false trust, than models of faith, trust and worship." Yet, in spite of this, God gives the Magi a sign they can understand. "Magi understood stars. Magi looked for and understood signs in the sky...the sign came to them where they were. God got their attention in a way that they understood and in the place where they were at."

With this in mind, these questions that Stoffrengen poses to us are so very relevant in light of Matthew's text: "Where are the unchurhced at today?" and "What signs will speak to them?" And a further consideration: Is the church concerned with the unchurched?

Journey On...

Epiphany

I'm a few days behind in my blogging (and everything else =). We had a really nice Christmas and enjoyed quality time with my 3 year old daughter whose preschool was out for the Winter Break. Now to catch up!



During the time just before Epiphany up until the last Sunday of Epiphany, I'm going to be blogging on the Lectionary texts for each week. I invite any reflections or comments...and, with permission, they might make their way into my sermon for the week.



The first three texts for this week come from Isaiah 60: 1-6, Psalm 71: 1-7, 10-14 and Ephesians 3: 1-12. The three texts lead to the beginning of Epiphany this Sunday--Epiphany being the commemoration of the revelation of Jesus to humanity, particularly to the Magi.

When reading the Scriptures for this week, it is easy to see why these three (and Matthew which we'll discuss tomorrow) are chosen. There are words like kings, camels, frankincense, the revelation of God's mystery to the Gentiles...Though each of these passages was written within a specific historical context, to a specific people in a specific situation, they certainly speak to us in the rhythm of our church year.

I like the title for Isaiah 60: 1-6--The Ingathering of the Dispersed. The text speaks to the exiled Israelites, but in the context of Epiphany, could the Ingathering be of the Gentiles or other "outsiders" to Christianity? What about those who are not officially members of the church--does the church matter to them? Is the church a place of ingathering for those who have been disenfranchised? Or is it a place only for those with membership privileges?

Psalm 72: 1-7; 10-14 is entitled, "Prayer for Guidance and for Support for the King." As I ponder what those words mean to us today, they seem so relevant. God reigns in our life, but we have heads of state, presidents, prime ministers, who hold a lot of power and make decisions that affect millions of lives. Why would we not pray for those in power and pray with a fervor they would be just...that they would remember the poor and needy...that they would be more than politicians, but compassionate human beings? Perhaps it is too far fetched of a thing to hope for in those who have so much power, but as a people of faith we hope for that which seems impossible.

Ephesians 3: 1-12 carries the theme of revelation to humanity--in particular, to the Gentiles through the Apostle Paul. The words that strike me here are: "I have become a servant." What does it mean to be a servant? Is it attending church on a Sunday? Is it sharing encouraging words with family and friends? Is it feeding the hungry or clothing the naked? Is it spreading the news about Christ to strangers? How does servanthood take shape for us individually and corporately as church and to what end?

I look forward to sharing in discussions with you.

Journey On...

Wait

What does it mean to wait? I have really been living into this during Advent this year. Most of the time I'm just rushing around trying to get all the "must dos" done. But this year, we are staying in WA and not traveling...we don't have family coming and I am actually finding myself having a more meaningful Advent because I'm not waiting to go somewhere or waiting for the guests to arrive. I have even given myself permission this year to not send out a mass mailing of Christmas cards which has taken one thing off of my plate. And so without quite as many distractions, the notion of waiting has really sunk in this year.

This past Sunday was the Sunday when we light the candle of Joy on the Advent wreath and the think about Mary in particular. For some reason the weight of her plight has really hit home with me this year. I remember what it was like to be 9 months pregnant, waiting for something to happen...but for some reason that kind of anticipation has not really been a part of my past Advent experiences.

But this year I am thinking about that kind of pregnant waiting...the time when you know that something is going to happen, you just don't know when. Yesterday I preached on Isaiah 35: 1-10 and talked about how people who are in the midst of difficulties long for something different...they hang onto the promise that life will be better tomorrow. But sometimes it is not tomorrow, or the next day, or the next year, or the next decade. Sometimes promises take a long time to be fulfilled.

But maybe what I'm picking up on this Advent is that promises are eventually fulfilled...it is truly not a matter of if, but a matter of when. So this Advent has been filled with the pregnant possibility that God is up to something that will be revealed someday. Although I don't completely understand God's time, I know that it is not a matter of if...only a matter of when.

Journey On...

Friday Five

Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals writes:
Can you believe that in two days we'll be halfway through Advent? Gaudete Sunday: pink candle on the advent wreath, rose vestments for those who have them, concerts and pageants in many congregations. Time to rejoice!
Rejoice in the nearness of Christ's coming, yes, but also in the many gifts of the pregnant waiting time when the world (in the northern hemisphere, at least) spins ever deeper into sweet, fertile darkness.

What makes you rejoice about:
1. Waiting?
I think sometimes our greatest joys and anxieties come from waiting. In Advent, the waiting for the arrival of the Christ child is filled with lots of hope and promise.

2. Darkness?
I live in Washington State and the days here really do get short. We hit the Winter Solstice (The Longest Night of the year) on December 21st. The thing that I rejoice in with darkness is that it is bearable and it doesn't last forever. I always think of Chiaroscuro and how without both light and dark, there would not be contrast to create depth in paintings and photos. Darkness is not always to the most comfortable or fun place to be, but God is with us and will help to lead us back to light.

3. Winter?
Winter makes us slow down. If it is cold and rainy (or snowy), you can't go outside and work on your house or in your yard--you don't even think about those things. So you kind of have to slow down in winter and, for me, it is a good time for reflective thinking and praying.

4. Advent?
I rejoice that Advent helps us to remember the sacred in Christmas. I had some folks requesting more Christmas songs in worship...to which I responded, "it's not Christmas yet." The retailers have been telling us its Christmas since late October, but in the church we recognize that we have to wait. And waiting for Christ's arrival is much like waiting for God's guidance in our lives--we cannot rush it or make it fit as we would like to in our own schedules--it comes in God's time.

5. Jesus' coming?
I'm about to dive into my sermon for this week (based on the Isaiah text) and one of the things I grapple with is living in the tension of what we hope for in Jesus' coming and the sad reality of the world around us. Frankly, I never fully rejoice at Christmas because I can never fully forget the suffering of those in my community, country and in other places around the world. So I hope the someday, through Jesus, things will be as they should.

Journey On...

One Sock

I heard a story on the NPR the other day about a dog who had eaten close to 100 pairs of socks. That dog must know my dog. Our dog, for a while now, has gotten in the habit of digging in the laundry basket and pulling out our socks. At first he'd just nibble on them, but then he started taking big chunks out of them and now some of them just disappear (and sometimes reappear later--ewwwww!).

My dog's sock eating habit is annoying at best and maddening at worst. I now own a big bag of orphaned socks and am often frustrated because I cannot find socks for me or for my child as we are rushing through our mornings to get dressed.

But I realized something the other day...you really can put two slightly mismatched socks together and they still work! What I, having grown up in the land of plenty, failed to realize is that there are people in the world who would love to have my bag of mismatched socks because they still have plenty of wear left in them.

In this time of shopping for Christmas gifts and excessive giving, I am trying to simplify more and stress less...trying to remember to be thankful for the less-than-obvious gifts that are in front of me everyday.

So my socks don't match, but I do have socks and my feet are warm on this cold, rainy day. Thank you God.

Journey On...

Friday Five

Willsmama at RevGalBlogPals writes:

Parishioners pushing for carols before you digested your turkey?

Organist refusing to play Advent hymns because he/she already has them planned for Lessons & Carols?

Find yourself reading Luke and thinking of a variety of ways to tell Linus where to stick it? (Lights please.)

Then this quick and easy Friday Five is for you! And for those of you with a more positive attitude, have no fear. I am sure more sacred and reverent Friday Fives will follow.
Please tell us your least favorite/most annoying seasonal....

1) dessert/cookie/family food
Fruit Cake by far!

2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc...)
I'm kind of grossed out by eggnog

3) tradition (church, family, other)
Christmas Cards =)

4) decoration
The outside lights--because they are a pain to get up.

5) gift (received or given)
I think the worst thing I ever received was a book by Rush Limbaugh! I can't even remember who gave it to me or why they thought I would even want that =)

BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it.I know, I know.... pretty grumpy for November but why not get it out of our systems now so we are free to enjoy the rest of the festivities.
The various versions of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I really like the song, but they play it like every five minutes on the radio.

A Little Child

"The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them." Isaiah 11:6

During Advent I will preaching from Isaiah. This particular piece of Isaiah is not in this year's lectionary, but I sure did think about it a lot over Thanksgiving week.

My family and I traveled down to Corpus Christi, TX where we spent Thanksgiving with my side of the family. As with all families, there are some really good things about us and some not-so-good things. Families are systems and systems are hard to change (maybe that's enough to say about the characteristics of my family =).

But I knew I would have the hardest time being around my new sister-in-law. I have a hard time relating to her. And so our first night together was awkward (to say the least). We all went out to this fabulous Mexican food restaurant--it is so fabulous that we had to wait to be seated and guess who I got to sit next to?? Of course--my sister-in-law.

I didn't know what to say to her. But as we sat there in silence, my 3 year-old daughter bopped over and crawled right up into my sister-in-law's lap. I watched her as she so easily related...as she so easily smiled...as she so easily shared herself with this person she didn't really know that well either...and I thought of Isaiah.

Isaiah 11:6 has all kinds of unlikely creatures hanging out together, peacefully....all led by a little child. I guess as we get older, life accumulates on us and we just aren't as willing to be so transparent. There is a lot to peel away before I could be as pure and as honest and as open as my little child. But I hope to live out what I say I believe in such fashion...until that day, I suppose a little child will lead me.

Journey On....

Living in the Now

Saw a great quote at the YMCA this morning. It was not credited to any particular author...

"Learn from the past, but don't dwell. Plan for the future, but don't obsess."

If you're stuck in either place, maybe this saying will help to bring back into the moment.

Journey on...

Friday Five--Thinking About These Things

Songbird at RevGalBlogPals writes: Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8, NRSV)

Friends, it's nearly Thanksgiving in the U.S. and it's the time of year when we are pressed to name things for which we are thankful. I want to offer a twist on the usual lists and use Paul's letter to the church at Philippi as a model.

Name five things that are true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, commendable, excellent or worthy of praise. These could be people, organizations, acts, ideas, works of art, pieces of music--whatever comes to mind for you.

1.) I was just blogging about the grief recovery groups that I am leading. I think those people who are willing to come and work the process of grief are true and commendable in so many ways. To be open and honest about grief in this culture is not easy--they are an inspirational to me.

2.) I think the Heifer Project is worthy of praise for the work that it does in trying to create just and sustainable communities.

3.) What is pleasing to me is my family and friends. Particularly my husband and daughter. I never knew unconditional love (outside of God's love) until I met that wonderful man I call my husband.

4.) There are people at my church who are commendable for the amount of time and effort they put into the mission and ministry of the church. I also think the women of RevGals are all commendable for the effort they put into the organization and the thoughts, prayers and ideas that are shared.

5.) I was writing about Kiva in my sermon for this week...which makes me think of the Grameen Bank and Dr. Yunus. What commendable, amazing work!

Thinking about the lasts

I don't know if it is because I am leading grief recovery groups and hearing the stories of people who have lost loved ones...but lately I have been thinking about the lasts.

When you have a baby, everyone talks about looking forward to the firsts--first smile, first crawl, first steps. But nobody ever talks about the lasts--the last time your child crawls, the last time they nurse or drink from a bottle, the last time they sit in a highchair or the last time they sit in your lap (see my previous post on this one).

And this pondering of the lasts does not simply apply to babies. We catapult forward through life looking forward to the firsts--first kisses, first drink =), first vote, first love, first job, first day of retirement and on and on. But we are not encouraged or as inclined to spend much time pondering the lasts.

I am hearing a lot about how painfully precious the last things are to people in life--last smiles, last kisses, last goodbyes. I wonder what the world would be like if we looked forward to the firsts, always knowing that somwhere in background the lasts are waiting. Would people slow down? Would they be kinder? Would they complain less and thank more?

Maybe we should ponder the lasts first and see what happens.

Journey on...

Children Need Laptops

I was reading this quote on the side of my Starbucks cup: "All children need a laptop. Not a computer, but a human laptop. Moms, dads, grannies and granpas, aunts, uncles--someone to hold them, read to them, teach them." The quote was from General Colin Powell.

I thought about that quote yesterday and I'll probably be thinking about it a bit today as my daughter is home sick with a cold. She is usually so active, that the only lap time we get is when she is not feeling well and needs a snuggle. She spent a lot of time in my lap yesterday and I must admit that it was nice.

I had a friend and church member, Karen, in Corpus Christi who had two beautiful children. A girl (who was as active and curious as my little one) and a boy (who was a bit younger and quieter). Karen was hosting a Bible study in her home when her daughter, then about 4, ran up and jumped in her lap. She stayed for only a brief moment before flitting off and as she did, we noticed that Karen had a tear welling up in her eye. She said, "you never know when it will be the last time they'll want to sit in your lap."

Those prophetic words ached painfully when, a week later on Thanksgiving Day, Karen suddenly died of cardiac complications. The shock and pain of that loss to everyone was overwhelming. I can't imagine what it has been like for her children these past six years since Karen's death.

And so I try to hold my child just a moment longer in my lap because who knows what the next moment may bring. I hope I am around for a long, long time to be there for my daughter, to provide a lap in which to sit and a loving heart to share. But I also know that there will come a day when my lap will not suffice...my kisses won't heal the boo boos that life will throw at her.

The hardest thing about being a parent isn't all of the challenges of raising a child--it is loving someone so much that you feel as though your own heart is walking around outside of your body. And when I feel how wonderful and awful that is...I remember that God feels the very same thing.

Father...Mother...Creator God made us and loves us so much that when God looks on us, God sees his own heart walking around in the world. Each one of us is that important. So maybe today, we'll find time to sit in the Divine lap...to let God kiss the big and small boo boos that life has thrown at us...and find peace.

Journey on...

Home

I realized something about myself yesterday. While I am out and about, if I see someone wearing a UT sweatshirt or a Dallas Cowboys hat, I smile. What I realized is that I am not smiling because I am a huge Longhorn or Cowboy fan, but because seeing those emblems on t-shirts and hats reminds me of home.

I lived in Texas all of my life. Moving to Washington State was my first out of state move (and of course I picked the farthest place, too). So it is nice to have little reminders of the Lone Star State.

The other day I was walking out of the grocery store wearing a sweatshirt bearing my Alma Mater's name--TCU. A man walking behind me said, "TCU--are you a horned frog?" I was stunned. I said, "I am...are you a Texan?" He said, "No I'm not, but my brother is...he lives in Corpus Christi, TX." I was even more stunned because Corpus Christi, TX is my hometown. I smiled a lot that day.

Now don't get wrong. I love living in Washington State and am in no hurry to move back to TX. But it is nice to have little reminders of home. We get other little reminders of our eternal home, if we but look up and notice them...stop rushing around so much to realize them. God is all around us--in nature, in people, in church--giving us living things to smile about, reminding us of our home.

And it's not that we necessarily want to hurry off to that eternal home soon, but the little reminders are nice. They lift our hearts a little and let us know that there is a place for us beyond this place. If we can recognize them, they'll make a smile a whole lot.

Journey on...

Friday 5

Sally at Revgalblogpals writes:

I am writing in my official capacity of grump!!! No seriously, with the shops and stores around us filling with Christmas gifts and decorations, the holiday season moving up on us quickly for many the time from Thanksgiving onwards will be spent in a headlong rush towards Christmas with hardly a time to breathe.... I am looking at the possibility of finding little gaps in the day or the week to spend in extravagant unbusyness ( a wonderful phrase coined by fellow revgal Michelle)...So given those little gaps, name 5 things you would do to;

1.to care for your body
I have already started working on this one....for the last 8 weeks or so I have been getting up early and working out. Sometimes (if it is a nice morning) I'll walk. But since it is pretty dark in the morning's now, I go the YMCA. I feel wonderful.

2. to care for your spirit
Music has always been a balm for my soul. So I listen to my ipod when I work out (I put a whole bunch of new songs on it last week...my husband snuck a funny one in that made me laugh out loud while I was on the treadmill). Additionally, I find myself listening to it throughout the day. And maybe more importantly, I have been sitting down at the piano and playing.

3. to care for your mind
I have ordered the books for the upcoming Revgalblogpals discussions =). I am hoping to find some time in those little spaces to read. I do love reading and realize that I haven't been feeding my mind in that way much.

4. to bring a sparkle to your eye
My husband and I will be traveling to Texas for Thanksgiving. I grew up in Texas and the one thing I really want to do that I haven't done in a long time is go two-steppin' (if I can talk John into it =). So to bring a spark to my eye, I might try hitting a country western bar while I'm there =) hehe

5. to place a spring in your step
The working out thing is really helping with that. The better I feel physically, the springier my step is =).

and then for a bonus which one on the list are you determined to put into action?
What I am determined to put into inaction is worrying--there are so many details and things that can get overwhelming this time of year. So I am truly hoping to maintain a bigger picture perspective and not sweat the small stuff so much.

Thursday morning

I am up early this morning and have some time for blogging. I was hoping for some grand inspiration--but I'm not feeling really inspired. I think it's too early and I haven't had coffee yet =)

In my prayers, I am aware of how much I worry. I worry about tomorrow a lot and have to remind myself to remain in today. It's a challenge for me. I was reading an old journal of mine from when I was a CPE resident at Parkland Hospital in Dallas. A woman had tragically lost her husband and I wrote down something that she had said to me: "We were always getting ready to do a whole bunch of things."

It was good to read that and remember not to get so caught up in tomorrow, because we just don't know how many tomorrows we have.

I am in the middle of a Stewardship campaign at my church. I love my church...and I worry about my church. In my two years there, we have run deficit budgets and pulled from reserves to get by. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out what will happen down the road if the trend does not change (and so far is hasn't).

I don't know if it is that people cannot give more or that they don't give more. My sermon this past Sunday was received very well, but one person made an interesting comment, "you don't offend." She meant it as a compliment...but I wonder why is it so offensive to think that it takes real dollars and cents to run a church? Maybe I should be more offensive.

I never pictured myself leading a "dying church" and I'm not altogether convinced that that is where we are. But I also acknowledge that death is a part of life...and in faith, there has to be a death before there can be a resurrection.

I don't know what kind of death we must experience at this church before there will be a resurrection. I don't know exactly what the future holds (thought I worry about it endlessly). But for now, I don't want to be "getting ready to do a whole bunch of things." If I (and the church members) can be faithful in the present and do the best we can, even if we go out...at least we can go out with a bang.

Journey on...

Sitting with Job

I am off Lectionary this week and next as we are in the middle of a Stewardship campaign. But I have been reading the lectionary texts for this week and one, in particular has struck a chord:

“O that my words were written down! O that they were inscribed in a book! O that with an iron pen and with lead they were engraved on a rock forever! For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that at the last he will stand upon the earth; and after my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see on my side, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me!" Job 19: 23-27

I haven't done much study on the text, but on the surface I recognize a painful longing to believe in the hurting heart, what is known in the logical mind. Job knows that "my Redeemer lives"...but if only those words could be written down...concrete...certain. If only in the midst of pain and confusion, the heart could feel with great confidence the hopeful promise the words hold.

I read the passage from Job and felt like I was sitting with him--in a moment in time where things just don't make as much sense as I'd like them to. I have gone public about the fact that I had an early-term miscarriage in September.

Now in my head I say, "it was early...it was better this way...at least we didn't have to make hard decisions down the road." If only those words could be written down...concrete...certain. If only my heart could feel the same way.

As a pastor, I'm not really sure what to do with my own grief...how much to share...where to cry the tears. I have fallen back on my default of listening and playing music. It is a way of praying and being in the presence of God that is beyond inscribed words. The music helps me to feel that hopeful promise that "my Redeemer lives" and, somehow, so do all of the loved ones and hopes and dreams that we have lost in life.

Journey On...

Friday Five

Mother Laura at Revgalblogpals writes:

Songbird just had an interview for a "vague and interesting" possibility, and More Cows than People is doing campus visits for doctoral programs. There always seem to be a few RevGals applying for new positions, and I just got my first call for this year's preliminary interviews for college teaching jobs at the American Academy of Religion meeting in San Diego coming up in a few weeks. It's for my dream job among this year's offerings, and I am flip flopping between excitement and nervousness. So please keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer for everyone facing such conversations, and share your thoughts on the wonderful world of interviews:

1. What was the most memorable interview you ever had?
I think my most memorable interview was my Ordination interview. All the members of the Commission on the Ministry were present. The were sitting in this large board room around a huge table. When I walked in, they all stood up and when I reached my seat (at the head of the table of course), they all sat down. I was SO nervous

2. Have you ever been the interviewer rather than the interviewee? If so, are you a tiger, a cream puff, or somewhere in between?
I have been the interviewer. My tendency is to be more of a cream puff, but I have learned if you don't be somewhat of a tiger, you may end of hiring the wrong person for the job.

3. Do phone interviews make you more or less nervous than in-person ones?
I don't like in phone interviews because you can't read any non-verbal cues. I really like eye contact and reading people's expressions. So I find phone interviews more difficult.

4. What was the best advice you ever got to prepare for an interview? How about the worst?
I don't know that anyone has ever really given me any advice, other than be yourself. Which has always worked pretty well =)

5. Do you have any pre-interview rituals that give you confidence?
Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. Just before I left my apartment to go to my nerve-wracking ordination interview, there was a knock at the door. I had been fitted for my robe the week before. I was told it would take 4-6 weeks to arrive. When I went to answer the door, it was the UPS man with my robe. somehow, that was a sign for me that everything would be okay.